Adoption is at the heart of the gospel 鈥 We, who had no inheritance, no name, no future, have been adopted in God’s family by a pure gift of grace.鈥 A Redeemer alumnus, who wished to remain anonymous, shared this about his family鈥檚 experience with adoption. But for them, the parallels between adoption and our relationship with God haven鈥檛 ended there.
鈥淎doption happens because something, somewhere in the child’s history has gone terribly wrong,鈥 he says. 鈥淓ven when biological parents willingly present a child for adoption, there are layers upon layers of rejection and loss that the child experiences. Often adoptive parents find themselves in the position of being the punching bag for this loss 鈥 To bring that back to the Gospel, in my own spiritual journey, I have often punched God because of the brokenness in my life鈥揺ven though he has redeemed me through the blood of Jesus, I must confess, I have wrongly blamed him for the pain and effects of my personal sin, and original sin. In our journey as adoptive parents, we have experienced the pain of the heart of God, and this journey has been a tough ride of refinement and pain for us.鈥
When James and Jen Van Gurp were approached to be interviewed, they asked their daughter, who was adopted, if they should take part. She said yes, and they asked if she would like to be present for the interview. She nervously said yes. 鈥淪he has a desire for others to think about adoption and how a child without a home receives a loving family just like she did,鈥 says James Van Gurp. 鈥淲e have walked this journey together with our family and with the Lord.鈥
We, who had no inheritance, no name, no future, have been adopted in God’s family by a pure gift of grace.
Being inspired by the adoptees and their families in the body of Christ from a young age, along with life experiences, brought Jen Van Gurp to think seriously about adoption. James was not quite ready until he read Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches by Russell Moore. After that, and considering the calling his wife was feeling in their life to consider this, he felt compelled to adopt a child into their family. 鈥淚t鈥檚 just a beautiful picture of how we鈥檝e been adopted by Christ.鈥
鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 sure I would be able to love a child that wasn鈥檛 our biological child as much as our biological children, so I had to wrestle with that. The book smacked me in the face. Why would God love me as his non-biological child? But he clearly does. That was convicting.鈥
For the Van Gurps, reflecting the love of Jesus Christ in every calling has meant loving their adopted daughter as their own. They both attended Redeemer, and say the university played a significant role in helping them develop their worldview.
鈥淩edeemer was very formative in terms of developing a biblical worldview,鈥 says James. 鈥淎nd particularly in challenging it and being exposed to a diversity of thought within that. Being trained to think critically when you approach business matters, but also as it relates to evaluating the decision to adopt, challenging my presuppositions and what it means to live out my life as a Christian.鈥
Why would God love me as his non-biological child? But he clearly does. That was convicting.
Jen agrees that Redeemer played a significant role in shaping her worldview and what it means for her to live in this world and reflect Christ. 鈥淩edeemer was a gift for that,鈥 she says.
The couple set out through a complex process to adopt a child internationally. There were training requirements and paperwork to complete. 鈥淚t was a challenging process with some bumps and turns that we didn’t expect, but to finally have our daughter home and family all together was a precious gift from the Lord. My heart ached for our daughter who was out there in the world but not yet in our home. We prayed for God’s protection over her,” says Jen. But bringing a child who has experienced trauma and loss into the family brings challenges.
鈥淪he was a scared little girl when she came home, and you have this protective love over your child. You just want to see that [fear] get taken away,鈥 Jen recalls through teary eyes. She spoke of the fight, flight and freeze response and when her daughter first arrived, she was in flight mode鈥搒he just wanted to run. 鈥淪he鈥檇 sit on our lap for a few seconds and then she鈥檇 be gone. It took patience and crying out to God to heal our little girl, but over time she learned to trust. To see God heal her over the years has just been incredible.鈥
The Van Gurps say they walk together through the pain of the loss of their daughter鈥檚 birth family and home country and culture, but also through the joy. 鈥淓ach year our daughter processes everything a bit more and we share more and more of her story with her at age appropriate times. Christ鈥檚 love is just incredible, to be able to share that together and to be able to understand it more deeply,鈥 says Jen. She adds that there was excitement from siblings as well and the love grows more and more each year even through the hard times. 鈥淲e all have hard things. All of us are needy and we love each other through it; that is what family is about. That is the heart of the Gospel. Christ came to save us from our sins, heal our broken hearts鈥揳 learning curve of understanding our heavenly Father鈥檚 love for us. They got to learn and grow through the same experiences we are learning about鈥搕he idea that we are all one family in Christ.鈥
God didn’t promise life would be easy, but he did promise to be faithful.
鈥淕od has worked powerfully,鈥 says James Van Gurp. 鈥淩ight from when she could first speak, she said God brought her on a plane.鈥 He is grateful for the knowledge his daughter has of God鈥檚 plan to bring her into the family.
Jen has taken strength from God, knowing that his presence is near in the joys and challenges she and her family have faced throughout the adoption journey. “God didn’t promise life would be easy, but he did promise to be faithful.”
Scott Antonides 鈥99 has taken similar insights from his family鈥檚 experience with adoption. After learning that he and his wife Sylvia would not be able to have biological children, they began a process to eventually adopt two siblings.
鈥淥f course you have doubt when you see people making a family and you can鈥檛 go the biological route. That鈥檚 very confusing,鈥 says Antonides. But with the benefit of hindsight, he has learned that God鈥檚 plans are so good. 鈥淭o see each piece of the puzzle come together, it鈥檚 actually so much better 鈥 To now see our family unit be so fun, when you鈥檙e kid loves you and hugs you, just having faith that the story will end well. God had a plan. Just trust and keep moving.鈥
The family chose to adopt more locally, and were matched with twins, a boy and a girl. With a process that requires a high level of commitment, they chose to immerse themselves completely, taking time off work to become full-time parents. The siblings had been in foster care for about two years when the Antonides鈥 made the slow and intentional transition to parenting.
鈥淵ou become part of the foster family. You spend every supper with them. You have dinner, read stories, go to the park and play games. You鈥檙e introduced as their forever home.鈥
The gradual process allows the foster family to express excitement, shows the children safety and allows trust to be built with their forever family. Antonides says when his kids first moved home, there was a two-week honeymoon phase where everything seemed perfect. 鈥淭hen they started to realize the big change that had happened.鈥
He likens the six months that followed to 鈥渁ny newborn experience鈥 for new parents鈥揺xhaustion, reading books, praying, remembering what their parents had taught them and calling friends for advice. Antonides, who graduated from Redeemer in 1999, says the community of friends he built at university has remained an important support system.
鈥淵es, you strengthen your faith, you get a Christian education, but you build a lifelong network,鈥 he says. 鈥淵ou become like your friends. There鈥檚 so much social impact by creating a positive culture. You need excellent profs and a decent facility, but that culture still pays dividends for me 25 years on.鈥
If somebody needs a family and you have space, you just bring them in. There are no biological boundaries. And God does the same thing.
With the investment of their time and love, and with the support of the community around them, they and their kids began to adjust to their new forever home.
鈥淭hey are quite proud of their story. They have a little life book that tells their story. We鈥檙e one of many families who鈥檝e had a different journey. They鈥檙e not at all ashamed,鈥 he says. 鈥淚t鈥檚 changed my view of the biological unit. If somebody needs a family and you have space, you just bring them in. There are no biological boundaries. And God does the same thing.鈥
鈥淎doption is something to be proud of. It鈥檚 this exciting opportunity to love God鈥檚 kids 鈥 They always know that we are with them 100 per cent 鈥 We just want to make their identity rock solid in Christ.鈥